if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
Are these your boobs on my camera?
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
Randomize
