It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
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