never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
Randomize
