i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
I forget how to act sober
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
