Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
Everclear isn't food dammit
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
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