Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
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