The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
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