Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
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I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
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she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
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