Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
Randomize
