the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
Randomize
