Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
Randomize
