i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
cat food counts as protein by the way
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
Randomize
