it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
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