So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
Randomize
