if you like me you must not know who I am
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
Randomize
