Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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