I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
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