My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
Lo siento on account of my penis...
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
