My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
Randomize
