why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
Randomize
