never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
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