she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
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