Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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