Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
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