I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
Randomize
