Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
Randomize
