So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
Randomize
