i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
Randomize
