If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
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