He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
Randomize
