I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
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