Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
the night ended with taco bell and tears
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
Randomize