i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
Randomize
