White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
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