jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
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