I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Randomize
