U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
Randomize
