Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
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