Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
Randomize
