also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
Randomize
