The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
Randomize
