I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
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