I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
Randomize
