I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
Randomize
