FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
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