I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
I think I died a long time ago.
Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
Randomize
