If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
Randomize
