Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
My vagina just recognized that song.
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner