i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.