if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.