Umm I'm too high to move.
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
Randomize
