Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
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We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
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Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
i need to put some appletini on your dick
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.