Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
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I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
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I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
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