I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
It was like getting head from an anaconda
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
Randomize