I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
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