filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
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