Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
Randomize
