Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize
