new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
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