Sponge bath it is.
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Randomize
