speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
