were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
Randomize
