Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
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