I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
Randomize
