Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
