Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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