I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
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