I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
Randomize
