dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
Randomize
