I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
Come see our sink grown plant.
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
