I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
The adults are the big ones right?
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
Randomize
