I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
Randomize