note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.