So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
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