If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
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Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
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He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
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