I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
I want to fling myself into the sun
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
Randomize
