Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
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