I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
Randomize
