you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
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