Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
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